I hate phone calls

The wet rooikrans was giving me a hard time.

The smoke from my fire was starting to obscure the airport. I noticed the incoming aircraft deviated from their normal approach to avoid the plume. I was starting to worry I might get mistaken for an incompetent suicide bomber...you know: the slowly exploding kind.

Wet braai wood really sucks, but that was not what put me in this murderous mood.

No.

It was my phone. Or rather the people who called me.

To put you in the picture: I hate phone calls.

No, let me rephrase that: I detest(!) phone calls.

When I say I detest, I mean any and all phone calls: Even those where the "investment advisor" is kind enough to offer me 20% discount on their latest life insurance product.

I hate calls from my bank, dentist, vet, political parties, government departments, customer satisfaction surveys, pet shops, arms dealers, Julias Malema or even big JZ himself.

The only call I might tolerate receiving is one curt sentence: "May I press this big red button while you are in the building?"

Other than that: Don't. Freaking. Call. Me.

Disclaimer: Calls from my kids are fine too. And my wife. (I know they read this blog, and my momma raised no stoopid childrens.)

I regard phone calls as impolite, inconsiderate and counterproductive interruptions. Like a drive by smack in the head.

The nature of my work require concentration to keep a logical house of cards in balance in my head so that I can visualise the entire programming problem, prior to coding a solution. Most often it might take 30 to 40 minutes to reach the zen-like state where I am in the groove and the code flows by itself...or, if I'm writing, to develop the chutzpah to write a blog posting.

Then some or other idjit calls me. I have to drop whatever I am doing and give the caller my full and undivided attention.

Mentally I see the house of cards explode in a miniature mushroom cloud. A nervous twitch and murderous intent develops.

Even at a braai: When the phone rings, you have to put down either your drink or the tongs.

Equally unacceptable.

Unless it's the wife calling.

To find out when the meat will be ready.

From inside.

Most phone calls are unproductive

Now, an astute reader like your handsome self, might wonder why, if I hate phone calls that much, do I own a cell phone? Your observation is completely valid. Allow me to explain while we wait for the coals to get just right:

First off, the phone is for MY convenience. Not for someone else's. I use the phone as a communications and productivity device. To connect to the Internet from anywhere. To check my email. To send and receive instant messages. To receive URGENT phone calls.

The type of instant messaging most people are familiar with is SMS...cell phone text messages. By the way, calling a cell phone text message an "SMS" is technically incorrect because "SMS" stands for Short Message Service - ie a service and not a message. Instead of referring to a "SMS" a better name is "text" - as used almost everywhere in the world.

The advantage of cell phone text messages are that the messages are async. Instead of Wham! to the head, my attention is gently drawn to the fact that I have a message waiting. I can attend to the text as soon as I have a free moment or as soon as I can safely put down the tongs.

Like now. The pleasant sound of a crystal chime and a little vibration in my pocket to announce a a text message arrived. Quite agreeable. On both counts.

But, lets not get distracted. I think it comes down to being polite: Think before you dial.

When in doubt: Don't. Freaking. Call. Me.

This is especially true when you are calling your clients. Make sure that call is really necessary. If not, rather use a text message or an email.

Client-server messaging

Cell phone text messages are rather expensive at (a minimum of) around R 0.35. Other forms of instant messaging such as Google talk, MSN, ICQ, Mxit and so on are considerably cheaper at (roughly) R 0.019 per message. If you are thinking that cell phone companies are taking us for a ride on this...

SMS text messages (like the one in my pocket) work on all cell phones without the need to install additional software because they utilise the control channels used by the cell phone towers to route calls to your phone. Since the control channels are a scare resource in the sense that overloading them (with a large volume of SMS text messages for instance) would render all the phones in the cell unusable. Special arrangements and equipment must therefore be implemented in the towers to guard against this - which adds to the cost that the cell companies must recoup...not to mention the very agreeable profit margin they implement.

Other (non SMS) instant messaging services work on a client-server basis. This means that a small program runs on the cell phone and logs on to a messaging server in order to send or receive messages. The messages are normal data connections. While cost is a major advantage of this type of messaging, another advantage is that the software client programs can also be installed on a PC - thereby enabling you to send and receive instant messages either on your PC or on your phone - or both as your needs and circumstances dictate.

The main disadvantage of client-server instant messaging are two fold: first off, it requires software to be installed on the phone (or PC) and secondly there is no standard protocol.

The protocol problem can be overcome relatively easily by more clever software on the phone - like Fring for example which allows you to transparently talk to any of the most popular instant messaging servers. The "installed base" problem is a bit more difficult because the cell phone companies have little incentive to subsidize phones NOT to use the very expensive SMS protocol.

From an end-user perspective however, client server instant messaging makes much more sense - financially and because it is so flexible. For instance, there is no 160 character limit per message, one can easily setup up group discussions, send media (eg pictures / sound) or documents. Perhaps the most important benefit is that the protocols and software are indefinitely expandable which means that software developers can add features and controls to make it more effective and productive.

A testament to how effective client-server based messaging can be is the extremely rapid uptake of Mxit in South Africa.

Lead paint

That reminds me: I had a text message waiting on my phone. I put down the tongs to read it. It said:

"There is a fly in my drink."

Ah. That announces the start of a distributed, virtual braai. Everybody is braaining. Just not physically together. There's going to be a lot of typing tonight.

I replied: "Interesting."

I barely had time to optimize the placement of the wood in fire when the next came. I read:

"It's swimming around man."

I put the tongs down again and typed:

"Dude. Stick your finger in your glass. Remove the fly. Or ask your mommy to help you."

Poor Kurt. Lead painted toys as a boy. He's going to burn the chicken tonight.

The book that was staring at me

"Getting things done" it's called. It was lying there on my shelf, on eye level, burning holes in my consciousness. A productivity book. Another not-done thing.

Couldn't get started on this blog (and a zillion other things), so I ordered a book to teach me how to...err...get things done. Until last night it was lying there in silent accusation.

I eventually gave up and started reading.

About 40 pages into the book and I think I found religion.

The basic tenet of David Allen's approach is that you need to empty your mind of everything, put it down in a trusted system and then work at one thing at a time only. He points out the (obvious) fact that you cannot do two things at once - so if you have two (or more) thoughts/todo's in your head, then you will fail at at least one. Duh.

To give you a better idea of what this book is about, he asks the reader to do this experiment:

1. Think of anything that is currently bugging you. A project of some kind - paint the house, review your budget, appoint a new staff member. Anything that is pressing on your mind.

2. Now write down a single written statement that is your intended successful outcome for this project.

3. Write down the very next physical action required to move this project forward.

Step 3 is not the action required to complete it - just the very next thing you can do to move it 10 minutes closer to completion.

The two minutes you spent doing this was much more productive than the many, many minutes the "unclosed loop" will distract your attention from what you are doing.

Try it. It's strong medicine. There is hope yet.

After my last post about the extreme value deal for the Asus eee sub-notebook PC, and after starting on this book, I found several free software programs to help implement this methodology.

Here is a couple:

1. Thinking rock
2. One hundred and twelve more GTD software tools here...

You can order "Getting things done" online from Kalahari here...

Extreme value alert on the Asus eee

As the priest of the "Value-for-money-cult" would whisper reverently: "this is a good value." The Asus eee is a modern day computer appliance. Simple, effective and best of all: you can sneak one into a braai if, say, some emergency image manipulation and Facebook upload would be required to put some or other idjit in his place.

Because of my previous sins, I bought mine about a month ago and paid almost R 600 more than what they are going for now - R 2 099.00 Vat Inclusive.

Yes, gentle reader. A full on notebook computer for R 2000 (give or take an hamburger or two).

The eee runs Linux, and includes software like OpenOffice - spreadsheet, word processor, presentation tool, a web browser, email, a few games and so on.

It works right out of the box, but if you prefer Windows XP, you can install it on the machine - although that requires a bit of technical work. (I plan to publish a guide on how to do this shortly)

The computer includes a single 2Gb "hard disk" (actually a flash drive), but I added 4GB SD ram (same little memory cards you slot into digital cameras) for R 150 for it - extending it's capacity to 6Gb. Since the eee have 3 USB slots, you can add more thumb drives or any other USB based device.

It is PERFECT for a first computer for a child (I'd say from 9 years onwards) and PERFECT for the person who needs to take his work on the road, but where a full-on high tec computer is an overkill or too cumbersome to lug around. (The eee weights about 1Kg)

You can buy the gadget of the year online here...

You will find more reviews and more opinions on the eee on google, like so:

Googling...

I use mine as a productivity enhancer. I even bought a book on productivity to help me get...er...more productive. It's lying on my shelf at eye level: staring at me. Another thing to do.

Frictionless commerce and the idjit tribe

Friction and inertia are as real to business as it is to a physical body. Huge changes are occurring in the world...

Firstly, congratulations to Senator Obama on winning the election. His campaign's use of the internet played a significant role in his ultimate victory. I know my congratulations means a lot to him, and even more so: the undying love of the entire Kenya who scored a public holiday - thanks to his election victory. Nice!

Seriously though, I think we had the privilege to witness a history changing event. One we can tell our grand children about. There is hope yet.

The Night The Wood Was Counted

There was exactly 16 pieces of rooikrans on the fire. Correction, there was a little tower of 16 logs and two burning chunks of blitz. Calling it a "fire" would not be correct: The technical term is: "pile of wood".

A "pile of wood" can only be promoted to "fire" when it burns unassisted with virtually no smoke. (Rule 7)

I know it was 16 pieces plus two pieces of blitz because it was counted. The wood AND the blitz. More than once. By more than one guy. It became known later as "The Night The Wood Was Counted."

To understand how we arrived at that sad juncture, it is necessary to tell you about the events that preceded The Counting.

It was a late sunny afternoon a few weeks ago. The Springboks just won a test match (for a change) and everybody was in a good mood - except the supporters of the loosing Japanese team of course. The usual suspects were arriving for the obligatory celebration braai.

I walked outside to the patio and into a rather animated discussion of Newton's first law.

For the record, this is not the type of discussion I expected after a narrow win by the Springboks. Grunting, grinning and groping yes. Physics, no.

As I walked out he said: "Inertia." One could almost hear the full stop. Each of the syllables were pronounced with care bordering on reverence.

Clearly the statement made an impression on the listener, because he remained quiet and tilted his head slightly to one side. He went on: "The short version of Newton's first law of motion says that a body in rest tends to stay at rest and a body in motion tends to stay in motion." He paused to take a long swig from his glass - for inspiration it seemed.

He surfaced from the glass and went on enthusiastically: "It's like pushing a car. At first it moves very slowly and then, when it picks up speed, it become easier and easier to move." A sly grin spread around his face: "You own a Landrover right? You know more about pushing cars than most people."

The listener looked around for a safe place to put down his glass.

"Tsk, Tsk", the physics guy said, held up his hand and bowed his head in a Moses-will-stop-the-red-sea kind of gesture. Then he continued: " Once at speed, the car is difficult to stop - this is known as momentum."

The listener seemed to have forgotten he was on his way to put down his glass, and he physics guy continued with a single, metered out word: "Friction."

After few well timed moments of silence for dramatic effect he continued: "In order to stop your misfiring, oil-leaking, smoke belching Landrover, one has to apply some kind of friction, ie brakes. The brake pads grab the wheels and the friction between the two converts the kinetic (movement) energy into heat energy - thereby eventually stopping the car. Sort of Velcro on an atomic level."

The listener was looking around for a place to put down his glass again.

"So!", the physics guy said loudly to distract the listener, "When they explain this stuff to Landrover owners like you we just tell them: Friction is the stuff they put in your brakes and inertia is the stuff in your gearbox. We try to keep it simple for you. You poor fellows have enough problems...with cars."

As the listener put his glass down on the ground the physics guy quickly walked inside to Switzerland (where the girls are), grinning broadly.

I decided to interrupt before the tet-a-tet escalated: "Hey, you think there is enough wood on the fire?". (By this time it was a fire because the wood was burning unassisted, as per rule 7)

"No, he said that we are four couples, and 16 pieces are enough to braai all the meat."

I shook my head. "He counted?" I asked.

"Yup."

I took the shovel next to the braai and heaped it full of coals.

"What are you doing, dude?", the listener wanted to know, but, judging from his broad grin, he had a pretty good idea.

"I'm going to burry half the coals while you go inside and argue with him that there is not enough wood on the fire...and make sure you argue loudly enough for all the girls to hear.", I said while walking over to the flower box to burry and cammo the coals.

I knew he'd rather eat the hot coals than concede that his wood count was wrong.

I also knew it would take a miracle of biblical proportions to cook the meat on half the coals.

"Nice doing business with you, Comrade Dr Evil." The listener grinned and went inside to do his part.

A little while later I heard the argument inside. After a few minutes, Dirk (loudly) proclaimed that he will: "braai the frigging meat my frigging self! There are enough frigging coals to frigging cook a frigging ox!"

After that night he was know as Dirk The Microwave.

Inertia and friction in commerce

A business, like a physical body, can benefit or suffer from Newton's laws. All business have inertia, momentum and friction. A business can either suffer because of it or benefit from it.

Allow me to demonstrate:

Picture this. June 1900. It would have been hot day. The dusty road would have made it difficult to get the horses going faster than 10km per hour, and besides, if he went too fast the "organic soil nutrient replenishment therapy " (horse manure) might have fallen off the wagon.

It would have taken Koos van der Merwe 5 hours to reach his first customer for the day. He would off-load the "nutrient" and then take the order for next month. By then it would have been around noon, and he would have been able to see one more customer before it would be too dark to be on the road. He would have had barely enough time to count the wood, light a fire and cook lunch between his two calls.

The reach of Koos's business was confined by time and distance.

Not his product.

Not his sales technique.

Fortunately not his culinary skills either.

The inertia and the friction in his business is distance, and time. (According to Einstein they are pretty much related anyway.)

Now fast forward to 2008. During the 30 minutes it took other people to drive to work, Sipho made 5 calls from his home office. He spoke to his customers while they were struggling though traffic - happy for the distraction ripping them away from brink of the dark abyss that is road rage. After all: taxi's can be taxing.

He got 2 repeat orders.

He was not even dressed yet.

He emailed the 2 confirmations to his clients with copies to his sales manager and the financial guy. He walked to the kitchen, popped milk into the microwave and was back at his desk 5 minutes later - breakfast in hand, still in his underpants.

While eating this instant oats he logged on to his supplier's web site. They are located in the USA - 8 hours behind our time, and on the other side of the world, but it did not matter because he could use their web site to place an order for more product brochures. Surfing the web for the next 30 minutes, he used web sites in the US, Europe, China and Japan to get pricing and product information. The world was his oyster.

Then it was time to put on pants before someone calls on the web camera...

Distance (and time) has little impact on Sipho's business.

The biggest single "friction remover" in business is ICT. Information and Communication Technologies.

The pace of business started to accelerate and gain momentum provided when the telegraph was invented. Each successive ICT invention reduced friction - today we have always on, high speed internet access. The pace of commerce is accelerating faster than ever before.

Archimedes said that (to paraphrase): "Give me a fulcrum and I'll move the earth." A pivot point. A force multiplier. A friction reducer. ICT.

Friction sucks your energy, steals your momentum, eats away your time. The oil of enterprise is information technology: email, the web, cell phones, instant messaging.

With our much beloved minister of communications having lost her leave to appeal against high court ruling that found that her policies are...well, stupid (and illegal), we will see an explosion in Internet use and cheap bandwidth in South Africa. By the year 2010 South Africa will have two hundred TIMES more Internet bandwidth than today.

Imagine a world where everyone, rich or poor, have access to the Internet. To learn new skills. To find information to improve their lives and their businesses. To help each other. To communicate with each other. To work together.

Now imagine yourself and your business in that network.

Dirk Microwave did not notice that conditions changed (ie his coals were stolen) and consequently failed hilariously.

Tectonic changes are now underway in economies, politics, ICT and the Internet - throughout the entire world.

Pay careful attention.